Say it so they can hear it ….

What if I was to tell you there was a simple way to supercharge the requests you make of your children ? You'd at least give it a go right ? Put simply, when someone tells us we have to do something we are ambivalent about, we may feel a strong impulse to assert our own power by refusing or negotiating terms. Whether you are 3 or 103 you are likely to be much more inclined to comply with a request if you can see what's in it for you. Think of the benefit the child derives from co operating with you and put your request in terms of what they value. Instead of "I've had enough of this, it's time to get in the shower." Try "I'm looking forward to our story as soon as you've had your shower."  Whilst parents may value efficiency children don't necessarily share your sense of achievement in meeting the schedule. Children value feeling connected, purposeful and fun.  If you can put your requests of them into those terms you make tap into a natural motivation and save yourself having the nag, threaten or cajole.

Wondering whether we disconnect kids from the comfort of loving their own company ?

Recently I watched a TED Talk by Susan Cain on the Power of the Introvert and it got me thinking to what extent our parenting, as a social instrument, is biased toward " bringing our children out ". To what extent  do we deny introverted behaviour and embrace extroverted ? Do we recognise our children's natural milieu ... or our own?

Introversion is a preference for solitude as a source of emotional replenishment. Extroversion is a preference for recharging with others. The word 'extrovert'  however, is often associated with being outgoing, and in turn associated with confidence, friendliness and energy. This is misleading.

I realised during a course in which I was grouped with introverts with whom I had to work closely, that my colleagues were 'confident' and felt conviction even in their quietly expressed views. Friendly, even in their discreet and graceful interactions and possessed great energy without 'force'.

I had to be aware not to dismiss the points of view that were expressed by those other than the dominant voices. These voices were worthy of listening for, reflecting on and extracting from the 'noise'.  I realised I had previously been tuned out from very valuable ideas. I also came to realise a great deal of introversion that I suppressed rather than embraced in myself.

 "We value action over reflection " Cain says and it seemed a statement worthy of reflection. "What do you want to do?" rather than "Can I sit with you ?" , "Who did you play with today"? rather than "How did you spend lunchtime today? ". Do I infer a preference for the doing rather than the being.?  I know I value action in myself more than I do my penchant for reflection and I begin to wonder what it might be costing me.